Arg...I really hate AHS!

So I heard back from the Renal Insufficiency Clinic to "discuss" my situation. Well the short news is, unless i give in on the local  anesthetic, it is a no go. I gave a suggestion, an epidural (I know this works as I had it for both kids), apparently that is a no go. Dr. Passani has said that they will not book an OR for me either, as no "reputable" surgeon will do a "very minor, 5 minute surgery" under a general anesthetic.

Also we can't do the the hemodialysis as the catheter is also done under a local anesthetic. So that is it...guess I will be waiting until I am so sick that I can't go on and I am hospitalized. I am so done! Tired of fighting the system. I have no more energy to give to this.

Oh and I am listed as noncompliant, so they have given up on me. The noncompliance is around blood work. I have the veins of a 90 yr old. They are small and deep, add in the fact that I am in renal failure does not make it easy to get blood. I have had bruising so bad I have been asked if I have been in a fight! Never mind that the lab tech is having to poke me more than once. Which add to my stress level. I actually have panic attacks waiting and often leave just in tears. The last lab took 2 techs to do my blood; one to hold the needle in the place and the other to hold the vial at a lower level, so that it would fill using gravity... definitely doesn't evoke confidence to get my blood done.

So that is it. I will be going on as much as I can.

Cora

So I guess I should let you know what happened at the specialists....

not much other than I had a complete and utter meltdown.  I am not handling my stress very well and have just found out that all the toxins in my body from being in predialysis isn't helping.

I am having difficulties trusting people and so I shut everyone out. I have done it in the past as whenever I let anyone in I ultimately got hurt and it is something I am dealing with right now. Not sure how to deal with my family and the moment...or even who to trust within that family. According to my one mother, I have a "new" and and an "old" family; now that I have this "new" family I don't need to be with the "old" family or some such nonsense.

I really would love to talk about it all but a publication ban on part of the story is in place so I could get arrested for contempt.  Hmmm almost sounds like an idea..lol. Suffice it to say that have a very strange family to deal with and somedays I wish I didn't have to.